Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Because I have too much time on my hands

So I've been reflecting a lot recently (because that's what people with too much time on their hands do).

A year ago I was just starting my internship with Merrill Lynch and I had just gone through a weekend of endless SEO training. I recognize that SEO has already had a huge impact on my life. I learned so much from that program that would've taken me years to learn otherwise. However, I realize that I still need to work on my networking skills and my confidence. I think I'm ok with appearing to be confident...which is the first step...but actually being confident on the job and in interactions with people are different. So I'll consider those my goals: gaining confidence and improving my networking skills. Check up on me periodically and see how I'm doing. :)

So cj used to tell me that at some point in life I needed to reflect deeply to understand myself. I believed him. But based on my experience and my studies, I disagree. I've found that self-reflection only makes me sad/upset/angry. So, since I've been alone and without something to occupy myself, I've been thinking too much. I find that when I'm occupied I am generally happier. And it's not just that I'm too distracted to recognize my feelings - research has concluded the same thing.

My mother said to me the other day that this is probably the most relaxing time in my life. I have no tests, no responsibilities, just vacation. It's nice but I miss having something to do all the time. I already plan on being involved in the Tridelt and the SEO alum organizations out in San Francisco but I'd also like to learn something new or gain a new hobby.

In other news, Google just sent me pretty substantial gift cards to Ikea and Best Buy as a present. They're so good to me.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

I love television

Not because it's the only thing keeping me company right now, but because it's so amazingly brilliant sometimes. I just watched the last episode of Sex and the City and I nearly cried a couple times. I don't know what's with me. I'm not an emotional person by any means. TV just knows exactly how to get to me. I find myself relating to it. It's much like my relationship with music; those media know me better than any person. Of course it's a contrived relationship that exists only because I allow it to, but hell, let me have my fun.

So in this episode of Sex and the City, Carrie said "I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love." Seriously. That's where it's at. Ha. Relationships generally consume my life which explains why I talk about them so much. I just need someone to keep me on my toes. It just seems guys can only keep me occupied for so long. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love can't last very long before it becomes too ridiculous, inconvenient, and consuming and turns into CAN live without each other. That's what makes me sad. It makes me wonder if marriage is really something that could make me happy. I much prefer being desperately in love to being comfortably in love.

Just my post-Sex and the City thoughts.

Monday, May 29, 2006

The bottom of my foot itches...

...and I don't know what to do. I kinda want to scratch it with a brush but it's dark in my room and I don't know where I put my brush.

So it's been about a week since graduation. Graduation itself was actually a lot more casual and unprofound than I expected it to be. Moving out was rough just because I've lived in the house for 3 years and accumulated way too much stuff. All of my stuff is in California somewhere on its way to my apartment.

I absolutely hate being at home. I am most miserable when I'm here. There's a reason I haven't lived at home since I left for college. ::sigh:: I leave here June 13th and I look forward to it. I don't think I'll be any less lonely in California, but at least I won't have my mother nagging me to go to bed. I think it's absolutely ridiculous that my mother thinks she needs to tell me when to go to bed. I think I'm capable of deciding when I go to bed. If not for Steve being within 2 hours of here, I'm pretty sure I would've attempted to hitchhike my way to the west coast by now.

This weekend Steve and I went to West Chester U to go visit some high school friends of mine who live there. There was a party and I got to see a bunch of people I was pretty sure I would never see again. It was odd just because everyone considered me to have dropped off the face of the earth - I never really attempted to get in contact with any of them when I was home before. And being around them again made me realize why I didn't. Like I've said before: there are people in life who matter and people who don't. It's harsh, but true. It's not that everyone I saw is a complete waste of life, just most of them. Of the 8 of us from my graduating class in high school, only two of us have graduated thus far. Is graduating in 4 years an indication that someone is not a waste of life? By no means. But before I went there I had made a comment to Steve that I was pretty sure that none of them had graduated because they're useless.

My father thinks I'm a whore. This kinda bothers me and kinda doesn't. I suppose I can see why he might think that. But I cannot see why he thought it appropriate to call me a "loose woman." Ha, if only he knew the crazy stories that you guys do. So I was looking at pics from formal and my mom walks by and tells me she doesn't like them because I'm leaning on too many people. Apparently my parents have seen these pictures and have discussed how leaning on my friends is an indication that I'm a dirty slut.

I know I'm ranting a lot about my parents, but I am just trying to convey my pure hatred for being home. Today I went to the grocery store to pick up a few ingredients for some 7-layer dip I was making and I took the extra long way (through 3 different towns) to get home, just because I wanted to be away from the house. Our household only has 2 cars and my mom works all the time, so I am often stuck in the house. When I do try to go out, I am interrogated like crazy and often denied permission. Then they get upset and talk about how I should be spending time with my family and not running off and playing with my friends. What the hell? Spending time with my family? They don't actually mean spending time with the family - they mean just being within the confines of the walls of the same house. When I am home (which I am 23/24 hours of the day on average, we're all in different rooms all doing our own thing.

So, in conclusion, I'm bored and lonely. Save me.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Update

So, I realize that I need to give an actual update on life so you guys know what's going on.

*I graduate in 12 days.
*In 11 days, I will be giving a speech at the IS diploma ceremony.
*I leave for CA on Tuesday, June 13.
*I'll be living in downtown Palo Alto, about 10 minutes away from work and about 45 minutes outside of San Francisco.
*The place I'm living in in Palo Alto is just a sublet for the summer while my roommate and I look for a permanent place. The sublet has 3 bedrooms, a pool, garage, and HDTV. Come visit.
*I'm living with David Murray who is also working at Google. He's a triple major in CS/Voice/HCI
*I current plan on purchasing a Honda Civic Hybrid after I get my first paycheck

I have a few finals. Empirical Research Methods and Reason, Passion, and Cognition as well as an optional Social Psychology exam which I will likely take to make up for subpar grades on other exams. Once I'm done with that there are senior events and stuff going on. I look forward to a trip to Heinz Field with the entire class as well as a night at Dave and Buster's.

After Greek Sing, I met a guy named Steve Curtis (who happens to be PiKA's Greek Sing chair...why I didn't know him until after Greek Sing...well that's just PiKA). About a week after Greek Sing I broke up with Nik but it really wasn't related to Steve or any other guys at all. I had known for a while that things weren't going to work out with me and Nik and I chose to end it. I wanted to live life as a single girl for a while. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I don't have much conviction and Steve and I are dating now. It was big and dramatic (at least on my end) when it became official (i.e. on facebook).

I'm trying to imagine what you girls (who weren't aware of all this) are thinking. The thing that comes to mind is that you're not surprised; typical Theresa behavior, I suppose. Anyway, if you care to know more about him and what the status of this whole thing is...he's a junior (not even 21! I'm so old), from Jersey (gross), business major who was formerly Math/Physics. Our first date was at a Thai place called Typhoon in Shadyside over Carnival. He ate tofu and enjoyed it; that made me happy. He leaves for home on Tuesday (one week from today) to work at this yatch club for the summer. Oh and he's this crazy pothead (I disapprove...I seriously did not know that people smoked up as much as he and his roommates do) except he quit for the summer because he has to be able to be licensed to drive boats or something. Anyway, after graduation I'm going to be at home for 3 weeks so he and I plan to rendezvouz occasionally since we're not too far from each other.

The girls here all approve of him. Apparently Leah had called dibs on him last semester when they were working together as Greek Sing chairs but I didn't know this until it was too late. She's not mad at me. Well, considering I'm graduating and I've known him for 6 weeks, I don't know what I'm doing. The poor guy, I don't know why he puts up with me. I've gone psychotic on him many times and tried to kick him out of my life...just because I feel like it's easier to do now in person rather than over the phone from different time zones. So why am I continuing to do this? I don't know. He's also the least validating guy I've ever been with but I realize maybe that's exact what I need. What I mean is that he always leaves me guessing about what he's thinking. When I ask he tells me he's not thinking anything (which has been the source of many of my psychotic episodes). He never compliments me and rarely reassures me when I get jealous of other girls. It drives me crazy.

Putting all that out there in that way kinda makes it sound like he's not a good guy. But he is. I swear. Will it work? I doubt it. I think he'll drive me crazy one day and I'll flip out. In the meantime though, at least I'm having a good time.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Oh Grey's

Why oh why can't I watch free episodes of Grey's Anatomy on the ABC website? They have Desperate Housewives and Lost but not Grey's! This is ridiculous.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Happy belated birthday

Monday, April 24, 2006

Focus

I have an inability to focus. It all started after Greek Sing. I didn't really do anything after spring break because it was Greek Sing week. Since then I've just been slacking and being a bum. I've barely been to work and I just generally procrastinate even more than I usually do. I allow myself to get distracted and I really shouldn't. I ought to be disciplined and focus but I really don't see the point. I'd rather sit around and eat or something. I think I'll go munch on some leftover popcorn across the hall...

Monday, April 17, 2006

Not doing what I'm supposed to

I should be doing homework or hard core working on booth.

No one (at least Laura, Liz, and Caryl) has updated their blog in a long time. I don't know how they expect me to keep up on their lives...by talking to them or something?

For a quick assessment of what's going on: I broke up with Nik and I started (hesitantly) to wear my lovalier again. When I visited Liz she reminded me not to take life too seriously and it really opened my eyes that last bit that they needed. I laugh to myself when Andrea, Leah, and Lacey get into huge impassioned Tri Delta rants. It's just funny because a year ago I was where they are now and there's nothing I can say that can convince them that the world will indeed keep turning despite the ridiculousness of sorority life.

Speaking of the ridiculousness of sorority life...yeah, crazy. At least we're ending my college career with a bang.

In other news, Leah and I are currently reading (actually she reads, I skim) The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene. Allie mentioned it to me last year and I recommended it to Leah but ended up buying it with her. Leah told me I didn't need it (and I laughed at her) but I didn't get it to learn how to seduce people. I'm much more interested in the assessment of people and their weaknesses that make up part of the book.

Yesterday I was reading through the various seducer types and it turns out everyone else's assessment of me is very different from my own. That's expected but I'm glad I asked others or I would've never known.

I'm also glad I finally found my place again. Andrea, Leah, and I are having a fun time and I feel like part of something again. I feel comfortable just chilling with them and telling them everything, making them snacks and drinks and just spoiling everyone as much as possible.

So, in conclusion, I'm having fun but laughing at myself.

Monday, April 10, 2006

I'm an HCI major because I am interested in how people make decisions related to computers. Deep down, I believe I am actually a psychologist. I would never get a psychology degree though - that'd be useless. I don't know how to continue this entry. I want to explain all of the reasons why I believe myself to be a fair analyst of personalities, behavior, and attitude but I don't believe in talking about that sort of thing. And I know exactly why.

Monday, March 27, 2006

I hate when I get like this. I need to be able to think and focus and all I can do is listen to music hoping to find the perfect song for my mood.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Music, lyrics, and time

So I have to write my spring break post that gushes over my boyfriend and our wonderful trip but right now I feel compelled to write about how I feel right now.

So a year ago I named my blog "My Stupid Mouth" after John Mayer song. I haven't listened to the song in a while and it just came on in my playlist. It's funny how just listening to a song can take me to that time when it meant so much to me. It was the perfect theme song to my life at the time, or so I thought.

Where was I? Oh yes, so my life a year ago now that I'm here and able to admit it a year later. Junior year was the year of being torn down, destroyed, and put into my place...or so I thought.

So I don't know how much I really want to go into this. I feel like it's explaining a joke...it just isn't funny when it has to be explained.

I'm never speaking up again
It only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery
Than she desert me

Oh I'm never speaking up again
Starting now

One more thing
Why is it my fault?
So maybe I try too hard
But it's all because of this desire
I just wanna be liked
I just wanna be funny
Looks like the jokes on me
So call me captain backfire

Oh I'm never speaking up again

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Amazing


These guys are in a Super Mario Brothers Race. It's pretty exciting actually.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Music

I love music. I think it's such an amazing concept. It can express so much in so many different ways. Listening to music always makes me happy. When I listen to music on my walks to and from classes/meetings I must look like I'm on drugs because I just smile about everything and see the entire world differently. I like my little world where I can hear the soundtrack to life that no one else can.

Ipod.

Heh heh. Not really. I just felt like this seems like some sort of weird not-so-cool music device ad or something. But seriously music is my drug.

Monday, February 27, 2006

It must be me...

This has to do with my interactions with men. People who know me know what I'm talking about (kinda...I have a lot of stories), but I didn't want to just go and throw things out into the internet world for everyone to see...

Some screwed up things have happened to me in the past and I always took it as just a funny coincidence. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it's me. Do I do something to bring these things on in my life? And then they go and consume my thoughts. Maybe this is why I just laugh all this crap off all the time - because I know it's my fault. If you know what I'm doing, let me know because I'd love to be clued in.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Nick Verreos

I'm so upset. Nick Verreos lost the last Project Runway challenge and had to leave the show. It's obvious that there was producer intervention in that decision. Santino's outfit looked horrible. Absolutely horrible. The sleeve was falling off of Kara and I saw parts of her that really ought not to be seen. The only reason Santino has been on that show for so long is because he is a focal point. His personality is such that he draws attention to himself and his demeanor is amusing. That doesn't mean I like him or would be his friend - it just means he's interesting.

Nick is a good designer. I really hope he gets picked up by some fashion design company because I think he makes a much better commercial designer than most of those people would. He makes clothing that real people would wear and look good in. Granted, he has been in the final two these past few weeks, but he's been in a rut since what's-her-name stole his model! Nick was strong and stood up to Santino and I have a lot of respect for him as a person and as a designer.

Ok, that's enough posts about tv-related things now.

My love for Michelle Kwan

I'm not going to lie. I'm pretty upset that Kwan withdrew from the Olympics this morning. I really wanted her to win a gold for once. I feel like she deserves it. It's hard to think that she's past the peak of her career and she's 25. She was 12 and she was more successful than I'll ever be.

For some reason, I usually dislike Asian celebrities. Maybe I'm jealous of them because we're similar in that whole race aspect, I don't know. Maybe I like Kwan because she was too young to dislike when I first heard of her. I remember when she used to wear her hair in a really tight ponytail for every competition and when it was a big deal when she started getting more womanly and sexier.

I got teary when I heard about her withdraw annoucement. It must've been the hardest thing she's ever had to do. Or perhaps it wasn't; maybe she knew it was coming but was hoping it wouldn't. I'll bet standing on as a silver medalist on the Olympic podium must've been pretty rough - knowing that if she had done just one tiny thing differently it could've been her.

I was about to say that she should've gone out on top like Seinfeld did but then I realized that that is why she hasn't left yet. Oh Michelle, if it were up to me you would've had a gold 10 years ago.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Secret embrace

The new Victoria's Secret Secret Embrace Bra is amazing. Helen, Katie, and I have taken before and after pictures to prove it. In the first picture, Helen and I are wearing Victoria's Secret Very Sexy bra. In the second, more superior and cleavage enhanced picture, we are wearing the super comfortable Secret Embrace.






Before:






After:






Trust me, there's a world of difference.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Wendy's Customer Service

Wendy's customer service has definitely gone downhill. We all knew the Junior Bacon Cheeseburger couldn't remain $0.99 forever but now I don't even know what its status is. Sometimes it's $0.99 sometime's it's $1.29. But that's not the point. Well, the point is that they're charging us more for food that is of lesser quality served with lesser service.

When I went home for break it was late at night and my family took me to Wendy's to get something to eat. We were the only car even looking at Wendy's within a 5 block radius. So we order our food and drive the car up to the window to pay/wait for our food...only we pay and they tell us to pull up further - toward the intersection (or what I'll call an intersection since this was in a parking lot). We do and we look around wondering why they made us pull up. Not another car comes while we wait. So the Wendy's person sticks his head out of the window and says "Ok, come back!" We put the car in reverse and get our food handed to us. Thank goodness my dad was as curious as I was because he asked us what that whole shuffling thing was about. "Oh, that's so that the timer doesn't time you waiting here for more than 60 seconds. We'd get in trouble."

WTF. Seriously. If you don't want to get in trouble for having us there for more than 60 seconds, how about you serve us our food within 60 seconds? If I ever get asked to do that at another restaurant I'm not going to do it. THEN we drove away and opened our JBCs only to find there was no lettuce on them. Boo Wendy's.

Last night Mike and Jack brought us Wendy's food. They bought 4 JBCs and a hamburger with only ketchup on it (now dubbed a Lacey burger). What did they receive? 5 Lacey burgers. I love my little but Lacey burgers are no where near as good as the real thing.

Wendy's - I'm disappointed.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Happy

I just got a lovely random IM from Jessica Newman. It's so nice to hear from people you haven't talked to in a while. It makes me feel special that she would take the time to click on my screenname and start a conversation with me. Thanks Jess!

I'm happy. I am happy for now, at least. I'm generally in a good mood. I have some goals for this semester. I want to not procrastinate, make my senior year memorable, be worthwhile, and be social. Those are pretty much the same goals I have every semester but it doesn't usually work. Last semester I definitely didn't work to my potential and, magically (since everything always works out for me), I still came out all right.

Anyway, life is good. I have a job. Come visit me in San Francisco starting in June because I'll be at Google in Mountain View. Yay! A few months ago I posted a job description from google saying it was my dream job for after college...and now here I am living my dream I suppose.

The semester is starting up and there's a lot to look foward to - new classes, booth, greek sing, taking over the world, etc. Also, assuming my HCI project class doesn't actually meet on Mondays (because it's a project class), I will have 4 day weekends this semester. That means I should spend lots of time visiting DC and NC. Heh heh.

I do have some money troubles though. Money troubles only half stress me out. As long as I try to stay on budget and continue trying to convince my handsome, loving boyfriend to give me a credit card. Hehehe.

Anyway, to conclude, life is good. Lacey is back too! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In love, have a job, and realize I'm happy. Happiness is good.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Surprises and spontaneity

I like surprises and spontaneity. So you know what my man gives me? Surprises and spontaneity. Nik decided to come in this afternoon after my Summit classes. He's so good to me. He deals with me teasing him to no end in front of Helen. Heheheh. Tolerance, surprises, and spontaneity - that's what Nik is good for.