Waiting for the shuttle

So here I am waiting for the shuttle. I'm usually not even awake at
8:00 in the morning. Dammit. I prob missed the shuttle I needed to
catch. I don't want to drive all the way into the city during rush
hour. Hmmm. We'l have to see how it goes
--sleepy and cold

First mobile post

I've decided this is my new thing. Running around and blogging from
where ever and taking photos on location (courtesy of go.blogger.com).
Here's me in bed with my laptop. Obviously I'm not going for efficiency
since my laptop is next to me. It'll get more interesting soon, I
hope.

I hate thinking I see a flashing window out of the corner of my eye.
--in bed

Greys and I are done

Greys makes me too sad. I look forward to it all week...and it just gets me down again. Good thing I'm happy now.

You know what's good about being single?

Being single means I can:
Not shave my legs
Eat as much garlic as I want
Stay at work super late without feeling guilty.

:/

Velcro shoes

Prison Issue 23: Coffee/Sterling Blue

These are my cute new shoes. They have velcro straps.

Two things:
1. I must be a woman - I went shoe shopping to cheer me up.
2. Something must really be wrong if I can't even bother with tying laces anymore.

Contemplatative....

I just am.

In Seattle

Hello. I'm in Seattle. I've been missing Grey's but it's ok. I know it's Tivoed at home and I've been keeping myself busy enough that I am able to live without it. that won't stop me for looking for it on the abc website again after I finish writing.

People have lots of advice. It's funny because sometimes you want advice because you truly don't know what to do and need some (any!) direction. Then there are times when you realize that the person giving the advice won't understand enough about the situation to truly take into consideration everything that deserves considering. Sometimes that's good anyway. Sometimes details don't matter and there's a right answer and a wrong answer. I think i take the advice that I want.

My weekend slow dancing in a burning room

I really wish I could write poems or songs. It would make expressing myself a lot easier. I much prefer to put cryptic lyrics in my profile than to actually say what's going on. I do it because I need to let it out, to scream and shout to anyone who might be listening without actually letting them know what's going on. It's why, when I'm asked, I tell people they're to be interpreted any way the reader would like, but only I really know. That's gotten me in trouble in the past. I don't know how many people actually look over them and wonder what's going on in my head, I think it would be interesting (but more likely disappointing) to find out.

I just realized I feel like Meredith (from Grey's, of course); she knitted a sweater.

It was good seeing my sisters again. I miss them. It's really hard to go from being in a house full of girls who love you unconditionally to driving around California aimlessly and alone. I should be realistic. I consider myself lucky for having the friends I do have in my new home. It just totally sucks being an adult.

It was good seeing Steve again. I miss him. I wish he wasn't having such a hard time with everything. I wish there was something I could do.

Everything does happen for a reason - I know it does. I just wish I knew the reason because waiting is hard.

The next day...
I'm so tired. I'm so so tired of thinking about it and crying over it and reliving everything in my head. I really just want it all to be over. I want to get on with my life. I can't be productive like this. I'm trying to get all of my finances all nice and organized, but I just can't because I can only think about one thing. I don't know why I can't distract myself or allow myself to think about anything else. I don't want to be in this horrible fog of a life anymore, I want to go back to being myself.

Throughout the day people kept asking me how my trip went, so I had to tell them. It went well, it really did. I came out of it better than I went in. It wasn't ideal for me, but it was the best I suppose (even though I hate to admit that). So I thought about it a bit. He says he cares about me and isn't angry with me anymore. I can't help but wonder if he's just doing a fantastic job of manipulating me into thinking those things so I'll leave him alone. I don't want to be some psycho chick, but it makes sense. What do you do when some girl won't let go? You tell them, "it's not you, it's me" a la George Costanza. While that thought is making the rounds through my head, I don't actually believe it. I believe every word he told me. And as agonizing as it is, I'm still waiting.

There's one coming

There's a post coming. I started it on the plane last night.