...and I don't know what to do. I kinda want to scratch it with a brush but it's dark in my room and I don't know where I put my brush.
So it's been about a week since graduation. Graduation itself was actually a lot more casual and unprofound than I expected it to be. Moving out was rough just because I've lived in the house for 3 years and accumulated way too much stuff. All of my stuff is in California somewhere on its way to my apartment.
I absolutely hate being at home. I am most miserable when I'm here. There's a reason I haven't lived at home since I left for college. ::sigh:: I leave here June 13th and I look forward to it. I don't think I'll be any less lonely in California, but at least I won't have my mother nagging me to go to bed. I think it's absolutely ridiculous that my mother thinks she needs to tell me when to go to bed. I think I'm capable of deciding when I go to bed. If not for Steve being within 2 hours of here, I'm pretty sure I would've attempted to hitchhike my way to the west coast by now.
This weekend Steve and I went to West Chester U to go visit some high school friends of mine who live there. There was a party and I got to see a bunch of people I was pretty sure I would never see again. It was odd just because everyone considered me to have dropped off the face of the earth - I never really attempted to get in contact with any of them when I was home before. And being around them again made me realize why I didn't. Like I've said before: there are people in life who matter and people who don't. It's harsh, but true. It's not that everyone I saw is a complete waste of life, just most of them. Of the 8 of us from my graduating class in high school, only two of us have graduated thus far. Is graduating in 4 years an indication that someone is not a waste of life? By no means. But before I went there I had made a comment to Steve that I was pretty sure that none of them had graduated because they're useless.
My father thinks I'm a whore. This kinda bothers me and kinda doesn't. I suppose I can see why he might think that. But I cannot see why he thought it appropriate to call me a "loose woman." Ha, if only he knew the crazy stories that you guys do. So I was looking at pics from formal and my mom walks by and tells me she doesn't like them because I'm leaning on too many people. Apparently my parents have seen these pictures and have discussed how leaning on my friends is an indication that I'm a dirty slut.
I know I'm ranting a lot about my parents, but I am just trying to convey my pure hatred for being home. Today I went to the grocery store to pick up a few ingredients for some 7-layer dip I was making and I took the extra long way (through 3 different towns) to get home, just because I wanted to be away from the house. Our household only has 2 cars and my mom works all the time, so I am often stuck in the house. When I do try to go out, I am interrogated like crazy and often denied permission. Then they get upset and talk about how I should be spending time with my family and not running off and playing with my friends. What the hell? Spending time with my family? They don't actually mean spending time with the family - they mean just being within the confines of the walls of the same house. When I am home (which I am 23/24 hours of the day on average, we're all in different rooms all doing our own thing.
So, in conclusion, I'm bored and lonely. Save me.
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