First mobile post

I've decided this is my new thing. Running around and blogging from
where ever and taking photos on location (courtesy of go.blogger.com).
Here's me in bed with my laptop. Obviously I'm not going for efficiency
since my laptop is next to me. It'll get more interesting soon, I
hope.

I hate thinking I see a flashing window out of the corner of my eye.
--in bed

Greys and I are done

Greys makes me too sad. I look forward to it all week...and it just gets me down again. Good thing I'm happy now.

You know what's good about being single?

Being single means I can:
Not shave my legs
Eat as much garlic as I want
Stay at work super late without feeling guilty.

:/

Velcro shoes

Prison Issue 23: Coffee/Sterling Blue

These are my cute new shoes. They have velcro straps.

Two things:
1. I must be a woman - I went shoe shopping to cheer me up.
2. Something must really be wrong if I can't even bother with tying laces anymore.

Contemplatative....

I just am.

In Seattle

Hello. I'm in Seattle. I've been missing Grey's but it's ok. I know it's Tivoed at home and I've been keeping myself busy enough that I am able to live without it. that won't stop me for looking for it on the abc website again after I finish writing.

People have lots of advice. It's funny because sometimes you want advice because you truly don't know what to do and need some (any!) direction. Then there are times when you realize that the person giving the advice won't understand enough about the situation to truly take into consideration everything that deserves considering. Sometimes that's good anyway. Sometimes details don't matter and there's a right answer and a wrong answer. I think i take the advice that I want.

My weekend slow dancing in a burning room

I really wish I could write poems or songs. It would make expressing myself a lot easier. I much prefer to put cryptic lyrics in my profile than to actually say what's going on. I do it because I need to let it out, to scream and shout to anyone who might be listening without actually letting them know what's going on. It's why, when I'm asked, I tell people they're to be interpreted any way the reader would like, but only I really know. That's gotten me in trouble in the past. I don't know how many people actually look over them and wonder what's going on in my head, I think it would be interesting (but more likely disappointing) to find out.

I just realized I feel like Meredith (from Grey's, of course); she knitted a sweater.

It was good seeing my sisters again. I miss them. It's really hard to go from being in a house full of girls who love you unconditionally to driving around California aimlessly and alone. I should be realistic. I consider myself lucky for having the friends I do have in my new home. It just totally sucks being an adult.

It was good seeing Steve again. I miss him. I wish he wasn't having such a hard time with everything. I wish there was something I could do.

Everything does happen for a reason - I know it does. I just wish I knew the reason because waiting is hard.

The next day...
I'm so tired. I'm so so tired of thinking about it and crying over it and reliving everything in my head. I really just want it all to be over. I want to get on with my life. I can't be productive like this. I'm trying to get all of my finances all nice and organized, but I just can't because I can only think about one thing. I don't know why I can't distract myself or allow myself to think about anything else. I don't want to be in this horrible fog of a life anymore, I want to go back to being myself.

Throughout the day people kept asking me how my trip went, so I had to tell them. It went well, it really did. I came out of it better than I went in. It wasn't ideal for me, but it was the best I suppose (even though I hate to admit that). So I thought about it a bit. He says he cares about me and isn't angry with me anymore. I can't help but wonder if he's just doing a fantastic job of manipulating me into thinking those things so I'll leave him alone. I don't want to be some psycho chick, but it makes sense. What do you do when some girl won't let go? You tell them, "it's not you, it's me" a la George Costanza. While that thought is making the rounds through my head, I don't actually believe it. I believe every word he told me. And as agonizing as it is, I'm still waiting.

There's one coming

There's a post coming. I started it on the plane last night.

jamming

I remember when c j and Rachel were jamming together in my room in Donner. c j would play his steel drum and Rachel would play her (electric) violin.

Transit

Transit is available in Pittsburgh now! I so wish it had been available before I left school - it would've helped a lot.

My car

By the way, this is my beautiful car.



I drive around with the top down all the time. It makes me feel more alive...and Californian.

Cheese curds

I have a craving for cheese curds. Mmm, squeeky salty cheese curds. But I have no idea where to get them around here! I think they're not fancy enough for Whole Foods (though I found a delicious Robusto that I'm now in love with. It's has hints of carmel and nuts. My friends said it smelled like feet, but I find the taste wonderful) but too regional for regular super markets. In Pittsburgh, i was able to find packets at Giant Eagle a few years ago. I'll continue my search and let you know.

Actually, the reason this came up is because I heard the farmers market in San Francisco has a dairy farmer who has cheese curds. So I suppose if I truly wanted my cheese curds I could get them...early on a Saturday morning...if I wanted to drive 45 minutes.

Tri Delta Alum Meeting

I went to a Tri Delta alumnae meeting today. I drove into San Francisco and ended up at a lovely house that was filled with beautiful (and I mean beautiful) Tri Deltas. It's always hard being the new girl, but it was fun talking to other Tridelts. It turns out that next week there will be a Delta Drinking event followed by a viewing of the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy. When I heard that, it kinda all came together for me. It's silly, but last year one of the things I really loved was sitting together with sisters and screaming and gasping and making predictions while watching Grey's.

On the way home I got pulled over for having expired registration. He let me go since I just bought my car. It was still nerve racking as it was the first time I saw those flashing lights behind me.

More Grey's wisdom

"You already know what to do. If you didn't, you wouldn't be in so much pain"

Greys has all the answers

"Derek, have you considered that even though I’m Satan and an adulteress bitch I could still be the love of your life?"

What do I want?

So today I had to explain to Andrea why I was being quiet at her birthday party at Six Flags. I apologized and explained that it wasn't that I wasn't having a good time celebrating her birthday, it's just that I knew I was going home to have my boyfriend break up with me.

Long story short, Andrea (also single for the first time in a long time) asked me what I want. I want Steve.

One more gasp of air before drowning

...so that's a little dramatic but it's the best analogy I could think of to describe what's going on right now.

My lesson

For a while I knew I couldn't stop because I had nothing stopping me. I always assumed love would take care of that for me, but I realize I was wrong. In order for me to learn anything, I suppose I needed to fall myself.

No New Grey's = Theresa is a Dum Dum

So I don't know what I was thinking. There was no new Grey's Anatomy - and I made Tom and Dan watch with me and everything. There was an episode I hadn't seen before so I guess that's kinda like new Grey's.

A lot to say...

I have a lot to say...though none of it really significant. Hopefully jetlag and Grey's Anatomy will still allow me to have the energy to blog tomorrow.

In recent news:
I'm a horrible bitch
I just got back from Korea
I bought a car
I've been working for a while
I moved to a house in Mountain View

More to come.