Everyone else

So I've always been somewhat uncomfortable with this whole blogging thing. Reading Paloma's blog made me realize why (again). Everyone seems so much better at it than me. It's like everything in life. Why would I do it when other people have more interesting and/or insightful things to say? Caryl likes to write about political stuff every once in a while. I don't know anything about politics. I don't know anything about anything. It's frustrating to have people tell me I'm smart and talented when I really can't find any evidence to support that. I hate to be down on myself and have you read it, but I constantly find myself surrounded by people who are just generally better than me.

What follows is random thoughts...

A note to you, though I seriously doubt you read: please come back. It kills me that I'm so in the dark. Yes, it's my own fault. No, I don't deserve it but no one knows more than you that I can't deal with this.

It's happening again and I'm scared. Nearly one year later only with different people in every role except for me. Liz, Caryl, and Paloma - help.

Do weird things just happen to me or do I just sabotage myself?

Ben Harper's Roses from my Friends
But it's he who laughs last
Is he who cries first
Sometimes I feel I know strangers
Better than I know my friends
Why must a beginning
Be the means to an end

The stones from my enemies
These wounds will mend
But I cannot survive
The roses from my friends